Mike Flacy

I completed the single player campaign over the weekend and took some time to reflect today. The plight of Niko Bellic was very much a series of well constructed moments, designed to bring out the inner sociopath or benevolent soul in you. There are brief, flourishing cinematic points that sparked delight in me, Packie’s Three Leaf Clover being the most notable (Heat anyone?). But beyond those moments, beyond the hype, beyond the rushed reviews, there are negative aspects that keep GTA IV from perfection in my mind; 7 to be exact.

I’m back in Liberty City, so where’s my Double Clef FM?

There’s just something inherently classy about mass murder when listening to “O mio babbino caro” while behind the wheel mowing down pedestrians. I miss Morgan Merryweather’s pompous attitude and continual spouting of untrue facts about classical music. Over all the 18 radio stations within GTA IV, I don’t understand why Rockstar didn’t immediately jump on the chance to recreate the classical one. Not only that, they didn’t create a way to load user tracks onto the radio. I suppose I’ll just have to settle for Jazz Nation Radio and the smooth style of Roy Haynes.

Worthless green paper in my wallet

Money has become completely devalued in this version of GTA for a couple reasons. You don’t lose any weaponry at death and there’s a ridiculous amount of ammo found on each mission. While health care costs can bleed a player dry in the very early stages of the game, money has no worthwhile use for the majority of the game. I ended the single player game with about $950,000 in the bank, but it might as well have been $950 for what I needed it for.

Liberty City’s Most Wanted

OK, I’ve just killed 58 beat cops, 32 SWAT guys and 4 chopper pilots. I have a five star wanted rating and I’m racing from the scene in a stolen police cruiser. What’s the best way to lose the cops? Take a nap. Yep, the police will call off the manhunt if you find the nearest safe house and take a 6 hour nap. This should have been an automatic arrest for the police, but apparently dingy apartments are too confusing for the police to enter. (I realize this is a flaw of the overall series, but Rockstar should have fixed it by now.)

Should I wear a suit or a suit or a suit?

There are 3 unique clothing stores in the game. That’s right; a digital version of New York City only has three types of clothing stores. Obviously Rockstar kept it simple to work hand in hand with the girlfriend system, but it’s an extreme step down from the amount of clothing / customization options in Vice City & San Andreas. Additionally the clothing options are far too similar and the interface, while visually improved, is still slow.

Love the internet, hate the browser.

The brilliant, snarky humor on the in-game internet, and the television programs for that matter, is classic Rockstar and deserves praise, but the asshole that designed the browser should be fired. Why? There’s no way to bookmark a site. Every time you return to the PC, it’s back to the keyboard to type an insanely long web address or, even worse, one letter at a time on the controller. Accessing the site (whattheydonotwantyoutoknow.com) that holds the maps for hidden items such as armor, health, stunt jumps, etc. is a ridiculous pain in the butt and likely sends droves of players to the real internet for map screenshots.

Rocky Marciano, I’m not.

From the start of the game to the finish, there was rarely a time without some firearm in Niko’s hand. I choose that route because the hit detection system in hand to hand combat absolutely stinks. Character movement doesn’t work fast enough with the targeting system to accurately land punches and the combos are nearly worthless. It only took a few minutes of boxing my shadow before I permanently glued the semi-automatic machine gun to Niko’s right hand.

Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy

With the exception of a handful of missions, the game difficulty is really quite low for the experienced video game crowd. Without a slider to increase difficulty, popping off head shots is pure simplicity; even with auto-aim off. Over the entire 30 hour campaign, I was never busted by the cops and died less than 10 times. The rare, occasionally challenging mission was easily completed after tooling up with body armor and plenty of ammo. Besides giving the game a rushed feeling, the real shame is that many missions offer alternate dialogue between main characters upon reloading. Unless you play through the entire game again, you won’t get a chance to hear all the stories and comedic banter.